Step by step.

     Everyone’s having fun. She thinks she’s having fun too, though “fun” is not a word she’s very familiar with lately. Ends up on a sofa in a dark room with little light, chatting with this guy. They’re the only sober people at the party and she’s thinking she’ll finally have one of those kiss-and-never-see-each-other-again nights and she’s shy, but excited.  Black Metallica t-shirt, one earring in his left ear, short black hair, café latte skin. Bad guy, she has heard. She talks a lot and laughs without having a funny reason to. It’s her sign of being really nervous. And they talk. About future, about what university they’re going to, about what they expect from a future him/her. He’s happy for her following her dreams in another country, none of them knowing what is to come. He asks her to join him for a cigarette in the hall way. She sits next to him on one of the stairs. She’s nervous again. It’s kind of dark and there it is- that kiss, that first kiss is the beginning of that strange, beautiful feeling she can’t get rid of now, after 3 years. He made her fall in love with him, but he didn’t teach her how to forget. Though she knows she will. Step by step. That picture of him with the new girl smiling next to him is the push she needed. He’s happy now. She needs to move on. And she will..


Things are settling. Not the way we wanted them to, but they’re settling. That horrible feeling is starting to fade away. So are the dreams we had together. We don’t always get what we want, baby, but I sure hope that she’ll make you happy and you’ll love her like nothing else. 


Yours always,
Malina